Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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