Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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