VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
