She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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