I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
