**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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