two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
