if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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