i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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