24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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