forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
