there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
