Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
