You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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