There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
