he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
