'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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