Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize