dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
