What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
