She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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