I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
