once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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