Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My vagina just clenched in fear
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
