He is such a slut. More and more my type.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
