Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
