Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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