i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
