Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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