i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
