you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize