It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize