Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
