maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
