we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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