I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
