i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
