Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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