dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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