Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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