great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
