Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
