You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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