I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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