ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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