i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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