Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
