i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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