Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
