Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
