So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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