all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
