he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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