As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My life is pants optional.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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