I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
