My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
