Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
