I didn't shave. On purpose
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
