On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
