ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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